HEY LOLITA HEY

Sunday night is my least favourite night of the week so as usual I am cringing about my own existence and trying to forget about all the school work I haven't done and sending sad face selfies to Narita as we discuss our plans to move to Scandinavia and eat pizza for every meal. Today I cut off my dungarees and tried to make fondant flowers because I as up until 2am last night watching Amazing Wedding Cakes. I ended up giving up and eating the fondant because it kept melting although I did manage to make a rather good pork chop out of red and white fondant.

 I used to wear these all the time in year eight, until I was hanging from a tree at summer camp and someone told me that if I continued to always wear dungarees, odd socks and no shoes no one would ever take me seriously and I had an identity crisis and decided to get dreadlocks. I was going to dread my hair again once it got to this length again although I'm kind of worried about it being cultural appropriation and I feel like I outgrew it.

 I really suck at picture editing and it is kind of too complicated for a sunday night, hence the dumb black and white effect on all of these which I will probably change tomorrow night. Or something. I DON'T EVEN KNOW I'M REALLY TIRED AND I SHOULD START ACTUALLY BLOGGING PROPERLY AND NOT JUST WRITING SOME ALL CAPS CRAP ON A SUNDAY NIGHT.

 (Everything is hand me down except for Topshop dog collar.)

Anyway, for the millionth time this will hopefully be a productive week and maybe I will get some decent blogging done. I have a geography trip on wednesday to look at some rocks (surely that's what google eye is for????) and then half term, during which I might be meeting up with some internet gals and performing some satanic rituals with my friend Lakota.

xxx

CUZ WHEN YOU'RE FIFTEEN

Hi! Exams are over after two very exhausting weeks during which I did exactly 0 hours of revision, fell asleep in 4 exams, went to Subway 3 times and used up 2 rolls of film. Last weekend I helped run a workshop at a music festival and it was a really perfect weekend. On the last night myself and about thirty people sat around a fire until nearly 5am and eventually ran out of wood and burnt the chairs we were sat on. Someone passed a guitar around and people played songs they had written and someone sung Those Were The Days and everyone joined in and it was so beautiful. It was passed to me and without thinking I sung something I'd written in August and people ignored the fact I can barely play a chord and can't sing.
      I'm feeling pretty lost at the moment and drowning in unrequited crushes and shooting so many rolls of film. There are only two more weeks of this term left, then a week off and then work experience. I'm doing it at a pet shop which wasn't exactly my first choice but it was impossible to get a placement anywhere which is actually relevant and I figured it would be a good opportunity to get some ~life experience~ and there will be kittens so I guess it will be fun. I keep on counting out the days until half term or summer or whatever and I kind of hate myself for how much time I spend wishing my life away. It's just all so teriffying. I'll be 16 in a few months which will be a decade since I was six which is the age at which I decided I couldn't possibly ever feel any older. Next year is my last year of secondary school and I'm still a loser and it's confusing.
    My outfit posts appear to have become a kind of LOOK WOT I GOT AT THE SALVATION ARMY show and tell situation because I am cheapskate who is scared of ebay and spends too much gum. I'm kind of cool about the fact that 99% of my wardrobe is thrifted or hand me downs because shops are stressful.

 I brought this dress a few weeks ago because the collar is so amazing and the print is all like Cirque Du Soleil/ Mirror Mask/ Moonrise Kingdom/ Sargent Pepper/ everything a history teacher I once had wore. My dog collar is from Topshop, the unicorn is from Etsy and the clip on earrings were a present. I wear them as brooches because my ear lobes are weird and full of scar tissue from DIY drawing pin piercings AND THAT IS TOTALLY RELEVANT.

 My Lolita plaits finally meet on the top of my head and the bleach has kind of half grown out but I like it patchy and the plaits just about hide the fact I cut my fringe with paper scissors in a tent with no mirror.

Also I have new Doc Martens which my aunt gave me.

This weekend has been spent watching Cupcake Wars, try to fit all the photographs and pages on my floor into my journal and reading Joanna Harris books whilst drinking homemade smoothies and eating stupid quantities of toast which is kind of what all my weekends are like.

This rucksack was also 20p from the Salvation Army. 

*insert generic comment about how much i want it to be summer so i can take this backpack on long and exciting adventures to the corner shop to buy flying saucers and chuppa chups*

Vaguely cohesive part of my bedroom.

This is another roll of film which I have had developed. Most of the pictures are from the festival last weekend plus (from lkeft going clockwise) the school field early one morning, suburban trees and houses, a tree house, a band called Bird Jaguar I saw, more trees, vintage shops, my rabbit, a box I made for Maria, my friend Lakota and a few random others.

HARVEST MOON

 This is the second lot of film pictures. This is yet another of my window sill, with candlesticks a stranger gave me (literally) and framed pictures from old magazines.

 The top of my wardrobe. It's basically a pile of slightly co-ordinated junk and lots of childhood toys and things.

 20p My Little Pony on top of my tarot cards.

 The sweet shop in town. It is my favourite place ever and I always spend hours in there. The displays in the windows are always so incredible.

 The graveyard again. 

The sweet shop window again DOESN'T IT LOOK MAGICAL AND CUTE AND HOW I IMAGINE HEAVEN LOOKS OMG FLOWERS DOILIES CANDY ETC.

GHOST TOWN

On Friday I went to collect the two rolls of film and half of the first one hadn't developed (apparently the film was 'fogged' whatever that means) which sucked so much that I spent half an hour crying in Boots whilst a shop assistant nervously tried to comfort me. All but one of the pictures from a really awesome day where some friends and I ate pizza, went thrifting, found a microwave in the street and decorated it with glitter and stayed up all night watching dumb movies were lost and  I offically hate disposable film manufacturers. However the film pictures from my 20p pentax camera came out amazingly and so I'm going to post them a few at a time because they kind of fit into several colour categories.

 On one of the last days of half term I went to the corner shop to buy gummy snakes and got lost. I didn't get home for two hours and explored a lot of little places. This picture is in the graveyard. My mum asked if I wasn't worried about weirdos hanging around the graveyard on their own and I was like "I AM THE WEIRDO HANGING AROUND THE GRAVEYARD ON MY OWN."

 Rosina and Katie by the world map in our form room. 

 A picture from another evening where I got lost in my town. The sun was setting, there were people playing cricket in the park and everywhere looked really cute. I planned to go to the fun fair and take pictures of the rides and things but never got there.

 My window with dried flowers from August (which I had to throw out today because they were rotting), fairy lights, plastic flowers and zines pegged up.

 More of the window and the corner of my I Want To See The Bright Lights Tonight record. You can just about see the mildly teriffying metal sculptures in the garden which my mum found by the side of a road once or something.

 The park again.

 Daffodils (I wanted to roll in them like Freddie Mercury in the music video for I'm Going Slightly Mad.)

My glittery, fake doc martens whicb are nearly falling apart. ONLY ANOTHER WEEK OF EXAMS TO GO! Study leave has been spent going for walks and eating bread and most of the actual exams have been spent asleep (I'm not joking, I just went to sleep in my drama exam and probably did like 3 of the questions.)

i like my life, it's the only reason i'm alive

When I woke up this morning the first thought I had was 'no one uses the abbreviation NALGO any more why why why' Then I spent twenty minutes scrolling twitter and trying to decide what to have for breakfast and I heard that JLS split up which wasn't exactly a big deal because I always kind of hated them. At school people were crying and hugging each other because so many bands have been splitting up lately and those who are lucky enough to like bands who are still together (i.e. not me) are realising that their favourite band might split up and were talking about their memories from concerts and I just quietly hugged my Lisa Simpson rucksack (which is slightly teriffying and nearly caused a car crash on my way to school) and hummed Simon and Garfunkel/ Beatles/ Hole songs. It's the second day of exams and I was sat at a desk from 8:30 until 11 during my English exam which is probably the longest I've ever spent doing one thing, unless you count sleeping. The exam was pretty calm and I wrote one of the essays on my obsession with John Lennon circa year 8 and the point where it was ruining my life and the other on my inability to decide what to write essays on and how they stress me out beyond belief  Once it was over and we were allowed to escape, Bella, Megan, Jemma and I went to the equivalent of a mall and I took my first two rolls of film to be developed and we hung around Subway. Afterwards I did my usual trick of deliberately getting a little bit lost, then getting incredibly lost, panicking and taking two hours to walk home. It was kind of fun though to spend so long lost in some suburbs where everything looked the same and there were magnolia tress everywhere I didn't see anyone until I got back on to the main road. I was tempted to walk down to the river and get even more lost, but it was so hot and I was craving toast and pistachios so I went home to collage and watch Submarine for the billionth time. Exam week posting is all going to be fairly boring. This is a hodge podge of things which have happened.

My saddle shoes and H&M tie dye tights, from a day spent in my room dressed up and dancing around and trying not to step on my rabbit.

The first page of my last diary. The polaroids are from houses my grandparents have owned and the picture on the bottom right is my friend Vikki from this summer.

A collage of things I like and pictures I found in my science folder (I print them out when I'm meant to be working and then find them weeks later.)

Typing, the envelope of a letter from Fiona and pizza appreciation art.

 A gif of me which Sinead made, which I love.

Some little special things; my diary, tarot cards, grandfather's glasses, a little 1940s doll and flower crown.

 Another picture of me in my prom dress.

And a double exposure one which looks like something from Ghost Hunters or something.

KISSING IN THE MOVIE

Exams begin on Tuesday and so far all I've done in preparation is stare at a textbook for about thirty seconds before abandoning it was crawling off to listen to Mazzy Star and watch ten episodes of The DC Cupcake Bakery in a row. My friend Alice wants to open a bakery and she has got me addicted to the food network and even though I regard putting pasta in the kettle as cooking, I am now an expert on cupcakes and wedding cakes. I found a vhs of Queen music videos under my bed and have been constantly watching and rewatching it and trying to decide if I love Freddie Mercury or David Bowie more. During half term I went thrifting with a bunch of awesome people and we brought stacks of the oddest junk we could find, amongst it a 10p glow in the dark skeleton with one leg. I'm getting a tad worried about the amount of glow in the dark stuff I have in my room because it really can't be healthy. My entire ceiling is covered in 70 odd stars, I have glow in the dark stickers everywhere and a glow in the dark planetarium, plus I paint random objects with glow in the dark nail polish. At night my entire room lights up and it's weirdly beautiful. I have an entire catalogue of phobias  which are always accentuated by being alone at night so I really love it. So anyway, the skeleton is called Bones and is my new BFF 4 EVER.

 My t-shirt and kilt are thrifted, fish net tights are from New Look, necklace is made from dog leads and my crown is homemade from thrifted roses.

 He's a really cool dude and is currently hanging from my window. 

 Just trying to be witchy here.

 I can't decide if I'll be blogging more or less during study leave. Probably the former because I have like 90 episodes of Amazing Wedding Cakes! recorded. Man, my life is really cool. 

i left my love in san francisco

let's not be sad any more from FlowerViolet on 8tracks Radio.

Prom isn't for well over a year, but I brought myself another prom dress last weekend to cheer myself up. It is kind of the ultimate 1970s dress and has huge batwing sleeves and endless layers of white. It also fits me perfectly and I want to send the previous owner a bunch of white lily of the valley and maybe some mini muffins because it is so perfect. Everything feels incredibly dreamy and surreal when I wear it. In my head I'm picturing myself spending my entire summer floating around in it although obviously it is far too uncomfortable and I'm actually looking forward to predominantly dressing simply and channeling all the aesthetic in my head through my notebooks and music. 

My hair appears to have become even more blonde and lost the yellow tinge so it matches the dress
perfectly. My flower crown here is made from thrifted flowers, the unicorn is from ficklequeen on etsy and my shoes are thrifted. I took a lot more pictures which don't really fit in so they will probably go in another post. Today is the last day before school starts and I haven't even thought about revising for my exams which begin in a week so everything is panicky and if I do post here over the next few weeks it will probably be mainly angsty drivel. Study leave should be bearable although I literally am incapable of revising so can someone maybe give me some advice on methods/ good revision music? Does crying over life with a textbook open nearby count as revision??? Any good websites for revising??? Good things to eat whilst revising? Wow, okay. Good night.